With every newsletter, we always include a funny IT joke and this month, we decided to do something a little different .
This month, we decided to do a contest, each of you can sign in to this contest by posting your very own joke, and next week, we will close the contest sign in and start a poll to vote for the best joke.
The winning joke will be published in next month's Newsletter and the SysAider who posted the winning joke will also receive a SysAid Laptop bag
The rules:
Each User can upload one joke only.
The joke can be a written joke, a comic strip or a short video clip, it must be free of copyrights and politically correct (at least a bit)
The last date to submit your jokes is July 15th
Please reply to this post with your joke.
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This message was edited 4 times. Last update was at 15/07/2009 07:15:28
Joined: 11/06/2008
Messages: 1425
Location: England
Online
Things to do before calling the I.T. Helpdesk
1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 screen saver passwords.
4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.
6. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
7. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
8. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
9. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.
10. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.
11. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.
12. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
13. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
14. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.
15. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
16. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
17. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up".
18. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
19. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20kg of computer sitting on top of them.
20. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.
21. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
22. When you find an I.T. person on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. We don't have any money to speak of anyway.
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like I don't know nothing about that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
24. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call I.T. support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.
25. When you can't find someone in the phone directory, call I.T. Support.
26. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call I.T. Support. We love to hack.
27. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.
28. When you receive a 30mb (huge) movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.
29. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the queue.
30. When an I.T. person gets on the elevator pushing $100,000 worth of computer equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take the elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" That's another one that cracks us up no end.
31. When you lose your car keys, send an email to the entire company. People out in india like to keap abreast of what's going on.
32. When you bump into an I.T. person at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends.
33. Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.
34. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. We'll find all the settings and drivers somewhere.
An IT admin of a large enteprise just finished installing a windows 2008 on a server. To secure the sevrer he changed the default password.
To make fun of other fellow admin he typed in "penis"
Windows 2008 answered back with a pop window saying:
"Your password is not long enough"
PS :
It's not mine but I forgot where I got it. I just improvise with the windows version...
It's politically challenging but I humbly leave that entire to you.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 17/06/2009 07:08:44
That is not a bug, it's a feature...
When everything else fail try SysAid Wiki by Techguy
Funny as the joke might be, I'm not sure we can publish this joke in the newsletter, I'll leave it posted since it is funny, but it will not be included in the poll.
Oh a second change !
Most grateful .. *slight nod smile*
Hmmm... must aim higher... letmesee :
A highschool teacher in an english class was discussing oxymoron*. To see if the students understood what's being discussed she asked the class to give one example of an oxymoron.
After a long silence a student raised his hand and answered after the teacher addressed him :
"Microsoft Works"
*
ox·y·mo·ron (ŏk'sē-môr'ŏn', -mōr'-)
n. pl. ox·y·mo·ra (-môr'ə, -mōr'ə) or ox·y·mo·rons
A rhetorical figure in which incongruous or contradictory terms are combined, as in a "deafening silence" and a "mournful optimist".
That is not a bug, it's a feature...
When everything else fail try SysAid Wiki by Techguy
Joined: 19/06/2008
Messages: 63
Location: Elko Nevada USA
Offline
This isn't one of mine, but still worth the share. I got it from one of the ladies I work with.
"In God we trust, all others we virus scan!"
Techguy, I agree totally with all of yours. I want to make an addition to it though.
(35.?) Call us and e-mail us repeatedly over any trivial item, such as updating your signature in e-mail. Maintaining the network can be put on hold while we try to get the font size just right. Really, it's ok that a server is down. Your request is much more important. And it is ok to yell at us when we don't respond within 15 seconds of receiving the calls. It motivates us.
Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one.
E. B. White
Joined: 19/06/2008
Messages: 63
Location: Elko Nevada USA
Offline
Yeah, we could save ourselves a lot of headaches and bottles of Pepto Bismol. Though I do like that new cherry flavor. Maybe even put a little scratch inour own pockets...
Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one.
E. B. White
Drako786 wrote:Yeah, we could save ourselves a lot of headaches and bottles of Pepto Bismol. Though I do like that new cherry flavor. Maybe even put a little scratch inour own pockets...
Year it's like a win-win situation for us, we should do that.. Maybe SysAid Resources area should have a area for tips and knowhow in help desk.
And for ontopic: The newsletter must be soon up for its deadline. What about the poll on jokes ?
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